I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i think i have two assholes
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
