i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
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After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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