okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
