there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
