Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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