hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
