a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
