i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
