they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
