Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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