Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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