Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
