Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
