If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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