Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
