okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
ok first of all what the fuck
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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