Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
