Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
