you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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