When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
