Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
