somebody snuck up and got me drunk
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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