pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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