I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
