spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize