I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
