if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
