On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
