Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
