Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
