I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
