watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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