i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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