she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
