i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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