i permit you to call me
I think I am morally bankrupt
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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