Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just high enough for therapy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
