My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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