love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
