to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
