i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
