He kissed a someone with a penis
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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