Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
