So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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