actually, I'm a sock model
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
