i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
