We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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