Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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