She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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