i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
