Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
