she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
