You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
