The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry about my life...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
