I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it was like eating out sand paper
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
