Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
