How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
