my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There's always time for handjobs
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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