he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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