At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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