why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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