Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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