Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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