Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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