We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
