I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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