you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
