Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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