I accidentally burped into my bong.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
